Can you even say I love you?
by OneshotWonder429
Summary: After an argument about a key Jac struggles to express to Zosia how she feels about her. Loosely based on the argument between Ollie and Zosia when she asked him for a key.


Jac looked up from her deep thought as Zosia entered her office without knocking, patient notes clutched to her chest. She had a stern look on her face, a result of this morning's row.

"Mr Collins has just been transferred up from AAU" She began matter of factly moving over to slam the notes down on Jac's desk. "He's complaining non-stop about being shoved from one doctor to the next, I made sure to tell him all about your problems with commitment." She looked Jac in the eyes dangerously.

With a twitch of her brows she swivelled on her heel, moving to leave.

"Zosia!" Jac called stopping her in her tracks. "About this morning-" Zosia interrupted her almost immediately. As she moved back over to her desk to stand next to her.

"What!? I think you made yourself perfectly clear this morning. You know I really thought we had something Jac, me and you. I thought you truly cared for me. But clearly not."

Jac looked up at her with desperation, taking her hand tightly. "I do Zosia, I really do. I..I l-.. well I do care about you. I care about you deeply. That's the thing..it's just I care about you so deeply.. and when you spoke about the next step I guess it kind of just freaked me out." Zosia rolled her eyes emphatically, pulling her hand out of Jac's grip.

"My god Jac! You're taking like I got down on one knee or something! I asked for a key! One key! So I wouldn't have to knock to get in every time I came to see you!" The consultant moved her glasses onto the top of her head, as she stood up in front of her.

"I'm sorry Zosia." She took Zosia by the shoulders, looking her in the eyes. "Please believe me. I really do care about you so much. I l- .. I need you." She placed a kiss against Zosia's lips, lingering, but Zosia failed to respond. "Please Zosia say something." She kissed her again, but still gained no response.

"Why should I say anything." She again pulled herself out of Jac's grip. "When you can't even say 'I love you'." She swept out the room without saying anything more. Leaving Jac to puff out a sigh of defeat before grabbing Mr Collins' notes and moving to examine him.

* * *

"How long have you had these pains?" She enquiried as she pressed the stethoscope down onto his chest.

"Not long, but they've got so bad recently, only when I run though. It's rediculous! I'm a personal trainer! I need to run!" He snarled looking her up and down. "Sorry but could you speed it up a little sweetheart, I have places to be." He flicked his eyes over to Zosia. "If not, I'd be happy to switch surgeons, I mean I've been switched so many times, what's one more time?"

Jac followed his line of sight, watching him looking Zosia up and down, a sick smirk on his face. Jac clenched her jaw, and bit the inside of her cheek as rage built within her. "You know, if you're ever free for a drink I'd love to take you out, I know some very good places-" he began to question Zosia.

"I'll have you know that **I** am perfectly capable, but if you want to job done properly then we'll go at my speed. Can we get an ecg and echo please." She said sharply to Zosia as she took her wrist and pulled her away over to the nurses' station.

"I'm taking you off this case." Jac pronounced definitely. "You can help Valentine with his valve repair."

"What? Why?!" The junior doctor demanded. "I've done nothing wron-"

"No, I know! It's not you, but did you see the way that man was looking at you?" Zosia rolled her eyes sighing, annoyed.

"You can't just take me off cases when it suites yo-, wait. Are you jealous, of him?" She demanded flicking her eyes over to him.

"I'm the boss, so yes actually, I can just take cases off of you, and I'm not having him looking at you like that all day."

"Och, Jac, he's harmless. Bit full of himself maybe, but harmless. Is this just about you not wanting to work with me?"

"What?" Jac responded, shocked. "No, come on why don't we talk in my office?" She took a loose hold of her forefinger.

"No. I'm on call. I'm going to the on call room, of anyone needs me page me."

* * *

A few hours later and Jac had diagnosed Mr Collins with having an artery trapped in muscle and had provided him with medication to ease the pain until she could fit him on to her list to treat it.

She glanced down the corridor to the closed door of the on call room, and suddenly she realised what she needed, going forward. She made her way to her office to grab something out of her desk drawer.

* * *

The consultant took a deep breath, slipping the object into the front of her scrubs. She opened the door silently, smiling as she spotted Zosia dozing under the sheets. The bed shifted as she sat down next to Zosia, moving the hair out of her face.

Zosia stirred suddenly, scrunching her eyes tightly to rid them of sleepiness. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you Zosh, I was... stupid. I freaked out over nothing, I always do. But.. I can't lose you." She ran her finger across the brunette's cheek bone. She leant down slowly and pressed her lips against Zosia's, this time she responded. "I love you." She mumbled against the other's lips.

Zosia pulled away quickly giving a quizzical look. "What?" Jac smiled leaning in to peck her on the lips.

"I love you." She repeated between quick kisses. Zosia beamed, pulling Jac down to lie on top of her so she could kiss her properly. The consultant's long ginger locks hung down, tickling the sides of her face.

Jac pulled away from Zosia's lips suddenly, remembering what she had for her. "Hey, I have something for you." She smirked as she reached down in between their pressed bodies and pulled out the object she had retrieved from her desk drawer, dangling it in front of Zosia's face.

"A key!?" She smiled, taking the key from her hand. "Are you serious!" She exclaimed, wrapping her arms around Jac's neck and kissing her hard.

The kiss lingered as Jac lifted the duvet covering Zosia and slid beneath, taking the keys from her hand and placing them on the bedside table. Jac moved down to kiss the column of Zosia's neck, Zosia's hands moved to slip beneath the scrub top and pull it off. But Jac's hands caught her wrists.

"Nuh uh, this is me." She slid her hand down into Zosia's underwear, she gasped at the sensation. "Saying sorry." She returned her lips to Zosia's neck as she slid a finger inside of her.

* * *

A few weeks later Jac was curled in a ball on top of her duvet as silent tears ran down her cheeks. She had lost one of her favourite patients today, she had tried everything but he had gone downhill so quickly that nothing could be done.

Zosia had noted the sadness in her by the way she said nothing when she came accross Mo and Ollie throwing popcorn into each other's mouths at the nurse's station. But had simply moved silently in to her office, sliding accross the 'no entry' sign and not coming out for the rest of the shift.

And now she lay sniffing on her bed, her eyes scrunched shut as she hugged her knees tightly. As she released another bitter sob she felt a dent in the bed and warm arms sliding around her waist.

"It's not your fault, Jac, you were amazing." Zosia murmured as she kissed Jac behind her ear, rubbing soothing circles on her stomach. "I love you."

Maybe giving her that key wasn't such a bad idea after all.

 **That's it, thanks for reading, I really appreciate it! I love writing fanfiction epsecially one shots (as you can guess by my account name ;)) but I find it very hard to come up with ideas, so please drop a review or dm me any prompts. I will be more than happu to write up each and every one of them. They don't have to be Jasia I'm not picky ;) Please drop a review to tell me your thoughts.**


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